Managing a Difficult Team Member – Without Losing Yourself

You’re in charge – but it’s not going well

Sometimes something’s off with a person on your team. They don’t stick to agreements. They criticise everything. They don’t seem to recognise your leadership. And it affects you – not just as a manager, but as a person.

You feel powerless. Or angry. Or you start avoiding them. Whatever you do, it doesn’t seem to help. Meanwhile, it’s draining your energy. The collaboration stalls, and you start doubting yourself.

Why this is so hard

What makes this so complex is that you’re not just dealing with a professional challenge – you’re also having a personal response. The other person’s behaviour throws you off. Maybe you feel ignored, attacked, or overwhelmed. It stings.

And that mix makes it harder to stay clear. If you react too emotionally, you risk losing your professional footing. But if you ignore your emotions altogether, you risk losing yourself.

What doesn’t help

Many managers hope the situation will resolve itself. Or they try to appear more confident than they feel. Others withdraw – keeping their distance, but the issue stays unresolved.

Some react impulsively – out of frustration or self-protection – only to find it creates more tension.

What does help

The key often lies in slowing down. Not rushing into action – but first getting clear on what’s really going on. What is it about this situation that’s affecting you? What dynamics are at play? What do you actually want to happen – for yourself and your team?

Once you have that clarity, it’s easier to act with intention. You can set boundaries without getting loud. You can make agreements without turning it into a power struggle – and if it does turn into one, you’ll be more grounded. You’ll be able to steer the situation – even if the other person doesn’t.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”

– Viktor Frankl

How coaching can help

Coaching helps you step out of the entanglement. To pause, reflect, and explore what your options are. It helps you move from frustration to strategy.

Every situation is different. Sometimes you can shift the working relationship. Sometimes you need to stand your ground more firmly. And sometimes, it’s time for a different decision. Coaching helps you find what you need – in your unique context.

Curious if coaching could help? Read more about my approach or book a free consultation – we’ll look together at what might work for you.

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